OK it is ..2 am.. and I'm am blogging........My mind is clear and I'm focused. I know what I want to say and I know how I want to say it.....FULL OF DOUBT I AM. Personally, I think that I've missed the point! He speaks so clear and slow, but I start to fade. I am thinking of how to avoid the conversation that is already taking place. I fear myself, my body and mind because it’s not perfect and what if I give my all and fail?? Its ok….. I think, this is just a game he is just a man and I don’t have anything to worry about. I just want to laugh it all away, but not at this moment. He is serious. He is bold. He is ready. His voice is soft yet strong and filled with emotion. Someone save me from this night I can’t hear anymore of this. I will defend myself by running away, yes I am fragile and apprehensive of the future, but who isn’t I am just tattered enough to admit it. I’ll tell you why, but I don’t know….maybe it’s an excuse to do, say and ignore as I choose. Forget it I won’t even go there.
His words still fall from his lips and I still look for my escape. I will not give in, I will not feel this emotion and I will not love you.
WAIT! His touch, warm to my skin and I can feel him everywhere he has weakened me. What does my body say to him? If I move will he follow? Will he stop at nothing to hear me moan and ask for more? Will I give in?? I will admit that I want him in every way there is to have him. I want to touch him, I want to taste him and I want to love him. I told you I was WEAK….Stop! What the fuck am I doing here? I am falling and I will not get up from this place I am stuck HERE…..I don’t have my car. “Yes I will lay beside you.” I mutter in disbelief. His body is tight, hot and what is the word I am looking for?? It’s the word you use when you feel what you see….Wait wait wait wait that makes no sense. Ok just skip it, shit I’m rambling. I will be honest in a way I am a virgin to this; this night of a chance encounter and sexual experience number 4.
I don’t know you, but I want you inside me!! FUCK!!! My honesty scares me!! I can’t be honest with myself because when I am, I do the things I would truly never do. I wouldn’t do this, say that or even be here at ..2 am.. spilling myself into your lap!!! Yes Yes I would and I would take you in every imaginable way!! This is the truth and these are my thoughts as true as my mind will let them be.
You don’t know me!! Will you speak of me to other people when they ask about your life?? Will we even know each other tomorrow or will it be a simple understanding between you and I of the basic needs of human beings to feel pleasure and excitement?! You need her and she is gone but I am here and that’s all it is nothing more! The other one didn’t show up but I did, even you thought I wouldn’t. We need each other in this way to alleviate the symptoms of loneliness.
OK this is it were going to do it I wont ask again and I wont tell you its OK. I see in your eyes that you’re not sure. Why I am so OK with this and you are not? You’re a man it shouldn’t matter that we don’t know each other and that tomorrow I will leave and you will never see me again these should be my thoughts, not yours. Stop stalling and fuck me! See!!!! This honesty is now something I can not control these words plunge from my mouth and I wont stop. I WONT STOP YOU! I am yours for this night and this night alone. When it’s done will I feel different?? Earlier while I searched for an escape from your words I did catch something. Now, what was it you said?? “You will fall in love with me, there is something about my mysterious nature women love that.” spoken in true and full belief. These are my thoughts as you’re inside me. Why? I’ll let go and enjoy this. I feel things and these feelings are new. The deeper you go the more I let go. I’m letting go of all I was warned about with nothing to protect me from you. No, the protection I need is from me and this new life I want to live. Fearless I am. Weak I am. Alone I will not be. I won’t finish night I will not let myself, not for awhile. I spread my legs and relax feeling every bit of happiness and freedom you award me. This freedom I search for is there between your legs and that same thing will be my prison soon enough. This night has been amazing and sexually satisfying, but it won’t last past ..6 am... I am so tired now that I drift away no more thoughts; although I wonder how this will end. Don’t you?
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