continue these actions till the end

If these actions will be the end of me then so be it I will not apologize for them I will revel in the consequences of them, as if I know what is to come. This night and these actions are not who I am, but truly who I want to be: forth coming, honest, aware of my needs and unafraid. My thoughts are my own to spill onto paper so that I can clearly understand how we started this path we now travel.

I wake up a little discomfited of my actions just two nights before I woke up to someone else. I understand that arrangement is to be there in his time of need, but what is this? This is different I feel it and in this moment I don’t want to run. I can’t I still don’t have my car and even so where will I go when I truly want to be here. Here we are squeezed together on this couch I think I can feel your heart beating. This is the part where you ask me to leave right? I mean really I wasn’t even supposed to stay the night. I am going to lay here and unwind last night was extreme. What’s going to happen now?

I slept so well it’s amazing not once did I wake up wondering how I could vanish. Now we are here in the daylight, I can feel it on my face warm and soothing with nowhere to hide, I won’t be the first to speak and I swear I won’t. I don’t feel any different than any other day, although; I thought I would at least feel more liberated. Liberated enough to speak I mean just a few hours ago I could say everything on my mind without feeling at fault and now I dare myself to speak. This style is ME the old me that I wanted to escape from. If I could be that new person last night what is stopping me now? Damn! I hate thinking because in most cases I still end up confused and what does that really say about me? Also, why do I keep thinking? It’s honestly not working out as I want it to. Fine it settled I will enter every conversation, every situation and everything else without thought! Is this really who I am? Is this really where I am headed in? In this direction and at this pace moving at what felt to be the speed of light? I’m still waiting for the clouds to part and condemn me for feeling an ounce of passion with no regret. An ounce of happiness without ducking for cover because this is just isn’t what I deserve. I know what is going to happen and he does too. He knows that my feelings will not stay neutral and that my fall will be for him.